I love the weather here!

I know very little about the weather here. All I really know is that if the wind is blowing real hard, it's hailing and the sky is turning a flourecent green, you should get to the lowest part of your home and sit in a bathtub. ha! Aside from the very slim chance that will happen, the thunderstorms here are incredible! I love thunder, I love lightning and I love warm rain. I could dance around or go running in that weather any day! I was driving around the other day doing some inspections and I drove through this storm. In two of the pictures you can even see what a cloud looks like when it starts to rotate and drop below the others. (Or so I was told, like I said, I don't know much about all this yet, oh and don't worry mom and dad, I didn't do anything stupid, I just have a really great zoom on my camera. Besides they are very common and almost never turn into a tornado.) ha :) Anyway, I was reminded of God's awsomeness and power. You can really feel his strength and control when in the midst of a storm that turns the sky black and bursts into light in a moment. Enjoy the pics!

Time...

I've never had so much time on my hands. It's never been this quiet in my life. I've never had so much time to think myself crazy...or sane. :) I've needed this quiet for a long time. To gain perspective, to listen, to finally understand what it means to be still. It hurts sometimes to be still, doesn't it? Like, we can't slow down unless we're forced to. And when we do, we just think about a lot and realize a lot about ourselves, about others and about this life and what matters and what doesn't, and it makes my brain hurt. And I cry a lot. I've laughed and smiled a lot too though. But I've never laughed so much alone...if you saw me, you'd probably think I was crazy. But really, I think crazy is not taking the the time to laugh alone, at yourself, at your weaknesses and mistakes, at stupidity and all the things we get so caught up in that just don't matter all that much. Take time to laugh until you cry...just you and God.

Here are a couple things that I've learned and have really stood out to me. Isn't it funny how you could hear something over and over or even teach it to someone else and God chooses the exact moment that it becomes truth to you and pierces your heart?

In Genesis 1.28 it says for the first time that God said "TO" them(man and woman)..."
It is the first time that God speaks TO his creation rather that just at it. God gave counsel and direction to the man and woman even when things were still perfect, even when everything was still how it should be. God spoke to them and gave them counsel, not because things weren't perfect, but because he created man to be dependent on Him. We always run to God to fill and fix but we rarely ask for His guidance when all seems right with our world. We don't need Him because we have a lack of something, we need him to function correctly even before we are broken.

All sin struggles are generational or situational. Sons and daughters are affected by their surroundings and the ways they are raised. They will see that as normal and grow up in that only to take on those habits, fears, and unhealthy traits. Or we are affected by something traumatic and react to it. Until we reach a certain age where we begin to realize that it's not normal, it's not healthy, and we begin to struggle with knowing that truth. At that point, as soon as we realize our struggle, our sin area or our tendency to fall, that is the moment we can no longer blame other people, our parents, our circumstances, or our lack of something. Once you are taught the truth and your eyes are opened, it is then your choice whether to learn the truth and walk in it or choose to stay where you are, miserable and blaming others. A friend gave me a great analogy for this...
Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves, but it wasn't until almost a hundred years later that someone was bold enough, Martin Luther King, to begin to walk in that truth and assume him rights as a free man.
(Dut. 5.8-10 & Eph. 2.1-5 & 5.8-14)

Home and Office...

And now for everyone who wants to know where I'm working and where I'm living...this is probably the best story of God's provision yet!
I really felt strongly that I needed to work, live and do life in Denton. I was already driving to the church(which was an hour away from Arlington) three times a week and I just didn't want to continue to do that. I also knew that the friends and community I was going to begin to be involved with were all going to be in Denton. So, I had been in Arlington living with friends for almost two weeks and was not getting any responses from the jobs I had applied for near Denton. I got a few offers in the surrounding area but wasn't in any dire need so I turned them down and continued to wait for God to open the right door. I trusted, I had peace, I was totally ok.......until my bank account got really low. I began to get a little nervous and when a woman called me for an interview in a town called Irving, I said yes and scheduled an interview. I began to rationalize that I could live in the middle of Irving and Denton so it would only be about a 30 min drive either way. I went for the interview on a Friday and they asked me to come back for a second interview on Monday. I was a little discouraged on the way home, not usually the reaction when you are liked after an interview. :) So, I began to pray and realize that I was trying to take control and losing trust in what I felt God was saying to me all this time. I asked God to encourage me and let me know that he was still in control. When I woke up the next morning I received a call from a realtor in Denton. He asked me if I would interview with him Monday morning for an administrative assistant job. Then he told me that they were hoping to hire someone who was willing to relocate and live in a home they had recently remodeled and turned into a home/office. I kept it cool and told him I was definitely interested. I drove up to Denton that Monday and interviewed and before I got back home to Arlington, he had called and offered me the job. For those of you who are wondering...the amount I am "paying" out from my hourly compensation is nowhere near the amount that this living situation is worth. I have internet, cable, all utilities paid. The home is beautiful, fully furnished even in the kitchen with pots, pans, utensils and even spices! I didn't have to buy anything. He offered me the job on Monday and I moved in and started work that Wednesday! I am adjusting to working at home and there are a few things worth getting used to. I have no complaints, only praises! I only work 4 or 5 hours a day and I have the time to really spend with God and spend studying which is the whole reason why I am here. God truly took care of me, down to the details. There is no other explanation!

Unexplainable Blessings

I know this is a long one, but all these stories are so unique, I encourage you to read all the way through even if you have to come back more than once :)

So in my last post I said that there were unexplainable circumstances and confirmations and I want to share those stories with you. They continue to happen, and I want you reading this to be encouraged. Even when things feel hopeless, even when we get afraid, God is still working in the intimate details of our lives. It is so easy to forget that...

While praying whether or not to move, I spoke with the Recovery pastor at The Village, my mom, sister, and multiple women in my life whom I go to when I need wisdom. I was asked multiple questions and talked through it all and I left feeling supported and encouraged by every single person. Once I made the decision and began telling people, I talked with my pastor's wife, my dad, my grandmother, the women in my small group, friends, and family. Once again, I left feeling supported and encouraged to go. Not one person has ever been skeptical, or discouraged my decision. I got here to Texas and everyone I've talked to has been so encouraging, welcoming and affirming. It's unexplainable and makes all the difference in the world, so thank you. :)

I made the decision to move but knew that I financially couldn't really afford to do it. Oh, I had enough money to get here, (maybe sleep in my car a couple nights on the way) and enough to cover about a month's bills, but I knew I didn't have enough to pay a deposit at a new place and rent. So I told no one and began to pray about it. Within about 3 or 4 days I received a call from a woman at the Village Church who works in the local missions dept. and she had heard my story. She told me that she knew how hard it must be to find a job and a place to live when I am so far away and not to worry. She said that The Village church would love to help me in any way they can, even financially. She was(is) so kind and continued to talk to me weekly to encourage me, and just be a voice of support. I never asked for anything, her generosity and care was such a blessing and answer to prayer.

After that, my mom was also able to take the trip with me and she and my dad blessed me by paying for our hotel stays. I didn't have to sleep in my car and we got to share an incredible road trip and see the grand canyon! I am so grateful and will treasure that time with my mom for the rest of my life!

But, I still didn't have a place to live when I got there(here) and I was pleasantly surprised by many good friends offering to talk to family and friends in the Dallas area. I had multiple offers of places to stay within days! I never knew so many of my friends were from this area or had family here! Such a small world! I was blessed to stay with a friend's aunt and uncle and had an incredible first two weeks in Dallas because of it.

One night I sat down to tell a good friend that I was moving to the Dallas area and she asked when I was moving. Her fiance is from the area and it turned out that they were going back to visit his family the same week I was moving. They were here when I drove in and it was so incredible to have her there and share a few days of meals and site-seeing with them before I was on my own.

When I got to Denton, and I walked into the church, I was overwhelmed with the amount of people who knew who I was and knew my story. Everyone has been so generous sending me emails and calling me about jobs and places to live. Everyone has gone over and above "Southern Hospitality" but there are a few people whom God has used to really bless me. One of the pastors smiles big everytime he sees me, hugs me and asks me how everything is going. He has emailed and called me with opportunities and has been a constant smile and support ever since the day I met him. I know he has been praying for me and to walk in the church building and be known and recognized every time, has made a huge difference.

I also met an incredible couple who are leaders with Recovery and they invited me into their home, not just for dinner multiple times, but also offered a room to live in if I needed a place to stay. They have prayed with me, encouraged me, and Sherry has even ended up being a leader for my small group which made it feel much more comfortable. I am so thankful for their generosity and care!

I have learned so much already from the teachings, testimonies and studying but last Tuesday a young man taught and gave his testimony that touched me in a way I have never experienced. His testimony hit so close to home for me that it had to be orchestrated by God. It answered so many questions I had and brought out in me a recognition of my own struggles and a graciousness and understanding I hadn't felt in years. After he was finished, I spoke with him outside on the steps of the church for quite a while. I asked him if he thought his wife might want to meet with me because I thought she might be able to relate to me and give me wisdom in a way no one could. He said that he was sure she would love it and that he would talk to her and let me know. So you remember that wonderful woman that called me to give me financial support before I moved and continued to call me every week?? Well, she just happened to be his wife! Her and I had already been talking for over a month and we are going to get together as soon as I'm settled in my new home and new job! (and this is not a small church, by the way) I am floored by God's involvement in the details of those circumstances so far in advance...so cool!

God continues to bring incredible people into my life and I am making friends very quickly. One girl has asked to be my accountability, and another to sponsor and walk me through the Recovery process and they are both awesome women! I'm so excited about the many women that God has surrounded me with and I'm looking forward to the plan God has for all of this! I wish I could tell you everything, but this has gotten long already! :) I hope that you are encouraged by all that God has done and is doing!

The rumors are true, I've moved....

So, I moved from Reno, NV to Denton, TX and here's the truth and the best explanation I have...

I am hurting, broken, and yet hopeful. I have hope in a God who has already won and wants to restore all things back to himself, including you and me. So when I began to realize that things were becoming mundane, that my soul was in termoil and I couldn't figure out why I cried...I tried to do everything people tell you to do to "fix" a broken heart. I got extremely involved at church and with friends, I was never home and was happy when I could distract myself. But when I got in my car, I cried...when I showered, I cried...whenever I was alone, I cried. I began to push God away because he was not making things happen in the way I felt was best and (of course) would bring Him the most glory. Ha...it's so funny how we think we have it all figured out. I put on a good face for everyone else and had all the right answers for the other women in my life but I began to get mad that God didn't seem to be who I knew him to be or who he says he is.

I want change, I want the pain to be gone, I want things to be fixed, and (here's the clincher) I want it all more than I want more of him. When I didn't get what I wanted, I pushed him away. So...as soon as I realized that, I could easily say that was my breaking point. I knew something was wrong with ME, not with Him and that I needed to get my own soul right above all else. It is the only thing that matters.

I had been listening to a sermon podcast (that's sermons online through i-tunes, for all you old timers) from The Village Church in Texas for about 8 or 9 months, and the pastor, Matt Chandler along with a few other incredible teachers had mentioned a program they had at their church. It is called "Recovery at the Village" and they recommended that anyone who was a person (which is all of us) should go through this program. It deals with God's ability and desire to restore and give us victory over anything that is holding us back in life, from pride to anger, to addictions. We all have them, things that keep us from fully embracing life and abandoning ourselves to pursuing God's desires for our lives instead of our own.

So...basically, I emailed my amazing friend Katie on the day I thought I might lose it and she suggested I pray about moving to Texas and going to Recovery.(she listens to the podcast too) I thought she was crazy for about 10 minutes, then began to really pray about it. For a couple weeks, her and I were the only one's that knew I was considering it. And through many unexplainable circumstances and confirmations, I made the decision....why not right? Reno hadn't really felt like home for a long time and I knew it was time to leave, I just wasn't sure where. I had no husband, no kids, no pets, I wasn't even in a lease! And once the decision was made, I had total peace, total support and never looked back...

"Whether you are rooted in Christ or in your Flesh...your fruit will bear witness. Fear, anger, insecurity, frustration, trying to control, withdrawal, and more are all fruits of the Flesh." Michael Snetzer, The Village Church

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness..." Galatians 5:22