We hear that term all the time...Christ-centered. When I think of Christ, I think of the gospel. So what does it mean to have a gospel-centered relationship?
The gospel is a true story of redemption for a people so deeply loved. A story of reconciliation, forgiveness, grace and humility, of servant-hood, pain, and selflessness. I have come to see how our ability to have Christ-centered, Gospel-based relationships depends fully on understanding this story. Understanding our own depravity and the graciousness we've received from a God who loves us unconditionally.
I know it's been a while since I have written, but the truth is, these last few weeks have been painful and personal. I sat down a few times to write and just felt at a loss for how to explain all that I am learning and how the Lord has been breaking my heart and renewing my mind. But recently, I have experienced a joy unlike any I have before and I finally feel compelled to share.
I recently had to take an inventory of my life. My fears, shame, guilt, anger, bitterness, and any abuse in my past. I had to write out who it affected and how, and it has revealed a lot to me about myself. I've had to take ownership of my responses and confess those things and bring everything into the light. I am fully exposed, nothing is hidden, and it is humbling and scary. But oh the joy and freedom I have experienced! Within hours I was faced with my own depravity and need for the graciousness of the Lord as well as forgiveness from others. While at the same time, overwhelmed with seeing my righteousness through Christ for the first time. I began to see clearly that I do not deserve anything. I don't deserve a career, a home, a bank account, a marriage, a family. I don't deserve apologies, or justice, compassion or love, or comfort. But miraculously...God's grace gives me access to all of that and more. Through Christ we have access to everything. By God's sweet grace I will spend eternity with Him no matter what I do or how many mistakes I have made. Everything is permisable, but not everything is beneficial. That's where my overwhelming thankfulness and love comes in...through discernment. Before making decisions and after the mistakes have been made.
When I looked back and saw the hurt, the betrayal, and fear, I saw my part in that ugliness and wanted to immediately make things right. Then I began to see that the hurts that have hung around the longest and have affected who I am today, were involved with the people I love the most. When you love someone, when you truly love them, they can do nothing that will erase that love. You can be hurt by them, experience betrayal, feel broken and misunderstood. I've even experienced frustration over my inability to hate someone, but in the end...you know their character. Which is why it hurts so bad when they act outside of that character. And when I finally saw the need for grace in my own life, I began to see myself and others the way Christ sees us. My heart breaks and instead of being angry at myself or someone else, I am angry at the sin and the strongholds in our lives. I see that God is doing things in other's lives just as much as he is in mine and I am able to pray with more freedom and selflessness than ever before.
Which brings me back to the Gospel-centered relationships. I have made multiple phone calls and had multiple conversations to confess my responses, actions, and manipulations. And have miraculously received graciousness and forgiveness. I have been experiencing the gospel in a very tangible way and it compels me to want to give that away to others. I have seen repentance where there was once sin, and redemption where there was once pain. I have even been able to forget things that seemed impossible to forget.
I have been awakened to the amount of incredible gospel-centered relationships I do have in my life and how oblivious I was to that. I had one very painful conversation with a girlfriend that showed me the ugliness in myself. I felt shame and embarassment, but in the end, found out that I was worth the fight to her and found healing, and joy again in a relationship that I thought was never going to be as it was.
I'm seeing this happen in the lives of people around me who have experienced hurt unlike anything I could ever relate to such as; abuse, addictions and divorce. And I have come to realize that nothing is outside the grace of God. That nothing is outside of his ability to restore.
Sin will kill any relationship, but Christ can resurrect it. He can redeem memories and replace the painful bitterness and disappointment with new beautiful testimonies of redemption.
God is in love with you, he is persevering with you, he won't give up on you. Your relationship revolves around grace, and grace is something you didn't deserve. Therefore, there is nothing you can do to mess it up or have that grace taken away, because you didn't deserve it in the first place. He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. He will never leave you.
We are imperfect, we aren't God, and we will never get this right with one another. But we have got to try, he commands us to try. It is the definition of Christ-centered, Gospel relationships. The only way to have true abiding, deep confidence in our relationships with one another is to have relationships marked by mutual spiritual perseverance, commitment, graciousness and love. The more we experience this, the more we will be compelled to be merciful, compassionate, prayerful and concerned and the more natural it will become. We will be disappointed, but deal with it by looking inward with humility and confession only to experience graciousness and forgiveness and eventually reconciliation. There is nothing like the joy you have when you are fully exposed, and yet loved still.
"The man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame." Genesis 2.25
"People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them,
they will receive mercy." Proverbs 28.13
"For all that is secret will eventually be brought out into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to the light and made known to all." Luke 8.17
"Humble yourselves before God. Resist the Devil and he will flee from you. Come close to God and he will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will lift you up in honor." James 4. 7-10
" Don't just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. " Romans 12.9-12
